Pursuit of Happiness…

I sat in the break room, while the program director prepared a coffee cup for me – It was late evening and I really should not have been drinking any at all.  My attitude was still the same as it was in our emails.  I didn’t understand why I was yet again being dragged in dealing with another one of my adopted sister’s programs…….

Ms. ‘Director’ reminded me of one of those kindred spirits…you know kinda angelic – real genuine soul.  The program entails creating obtainable goals in which she’ll be connected to a mentor who will help guide and provide support while she come by them.  This was our first meeting.  Me, unbothered by the highlights, haughtily questioned, “What is your mission?”……20151021_202154

My sister is now in another meeting area working with her mentor at establishing her goals.  Ms. ‘Director’, my daughter, and I remained in an awkward position almost obliged to small talk.  My daughter worked on her homework all while mimicking my nonchalant facial expression.  However, my personality couldn’t keep up the façade.  We began conversing about where I am in life right now.  How marveling it was that she was able to pull out certain emotional responses.  “I’m angry, alone, and my mother is supposed to be here handling all of this!”  Ms. ‘Director’, too, unbothered by my rant paused for a moment, and then apologized for it.  “I’m sorry”, she says, “When I get quiet – it’s because I’m asking God for the right words to say.” I thought she was going to let me have it……

She then blurted out, “What do you do for happiness?”  I said, “I’m working on my degree.”  She shook her head to tell me no.  I said, “Well, I’m working on the old fixer up home I reside in.”  She said, “I think you’re doing a lot things that make you feel accomplished, but what do you do for happiness?”……

I sat there, in silence, tried asking God for the right words to say and there were none……

She said, “You may have to go back as far as your childhood for this – before you had responsibilities, bills, etc.”……

Ms. ‘Director’ told me her mission for her program, but I clearly saw different in her presence.  Her program works with troubled youth by helping them mature and progress in a positive direction, but that particular weekday evening her mission was to help me move in a more positive direction by helping me tap into my inner youth…..

Everyday I’ve been punching at a task list that I’ve either created that morning based off some yearly goal that derived from some long term goal…checking things off slowly but surely……feeling nothing but accomplishment20151224_141140