I Have a Dream….

My daddy set up the small bedroom, next to theirs, as an office.  For as long as I can remember, it was always his personal space.  It wasn’t much of an office…it always looked like a room full of junk to me.  All in all, that’s where you would find him most of the night.  I have faint memories of pale hued green walls and our original dining room table that served as his desk.  It wasn’t a traditional dining table…it had a retro feel to it.  Now, it’s all adding up because my parents trashed its’ accompanying chairs one by one…those gold colored, leather looking, vinyl leg pincers.  Over the years, they had become worn and began to split…since I grew up in the 80’s when high shorts were common, bare legs at dinner, during summer…made for quite the experience.  The last chair standing was his office chair and when it met its’ doom my dad’s office chair ultimately became a simple folding chair…

I would sneak into his office and for hours, if I got away with it, would make believe being a boss or something of the sort.  He always had a desk calendar, doodled on in a combination of red, blue, and black ink….so I doodled on it too.  He kept an very organized set up of office supplies – tape dispenser, stapler, paper clips etc.  I was always fascinated by the staple remover….you know the ‘grabby’ type…I had no idea, at the time, what it was for….

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Danger!

I polished my nails with ‘white out’…I got the worst whupping for writing on checks like they were pieces of scrap paper and throwing away the evidence….I now understand why missing checks out of a check book can cause World War III in a household!….

In all the houses I’ve lived as an adult, one room was always set up as an office…maybe that’s why it didn’t bother me that all the years I’ve been working I’ve never had my own office…In my mind, I had my own office since the 2nd grade!…

My current fixer upper house, it was imperative that I set up an office space.  At first it was an empty room, on the 2nd floor, until I started doing a little research on Feng Shui and learned a home office should be far away from your bedroom because it separates business from home life….

The only piece of furniture that I proudly purchased, in the two years I’ve been here thus far, is my new desk….

I wanted a really nice solid wood desk and a formal office set up – I found it!….

Dark cherry wood, granite top, and matching leather chair.  It arrived at the end of this past year.  My office is now on the 1st floor in what was considered the library by initial  design.  The first thing I did was put a desk calendar on it….2016!

At the moment, I spend most of my time sitting there doing homework or writing for my blog…I’m really feeding my dream of being a boss – President/CEO even!

Tapping into my inner youth while trying to put my finger on what truly makes my happy, I realized that I stopped dreaming….I’ve let life smother my dreams – wrote it off as time wasted….reflecting on how many times I’ve been reminded to get my head out of the clouds…becoming wary of those around me with their needle ready to pop my balloon….

Before bills, responsibility, strife, stress, and struggle, God planted this dream in my heart as a little girl…why would I succumb!?

Daddy was called home when I was 18 years old.  I hold dear a card he gave me…In this card he told me that in the auditorium of his high school  (John Adams HS) engraved/written on the wall read, “Where there is no vision, the people perish” – Proverbs 29:18

Visualize and manifest your dreams….or you, too, will perish……

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                                     Dedicated to Major Harrison Jr. – Jan. 9, 1951 – Sept. 13, 1997

 

Pursuit of Happiness…

I sat in the break room, while the program director prepared a coffee cup for me – It was late evening and I really should not have been drinking any at all.  My attitude was still the same as it was in our emails.  I didn’t understand why I was yet again being dragged in dealing with another one of my adopted sister’s programs…….

Ms. ‘Director’ reminded me of one of those kindred spirits…you know kinda angelic – real genuine soul.  The program entails creating obtainable goals in which she’ll be connected to a mentor who will help guide and provide support while she come by them.  This was our first meeting.  Me, unbothered by the highlights, haughtily questioned, “What is your mission?”……20151021_202154

My sister is now in another meeting area working with her mentor at establishing her goals.  Ms. ‘Director’, my daughter, and I remained in an awkward position almost obliged to small talk.  My daughter worked on her homework all while mimicking my nonchalant facial expression.  However, my personality couldn’t keep up the façade.  We began conversing about where I am in life right now.  How marveling it was that she was able to pull out certain emotional responses.  “I’m angry, alone, and my mother is supposed to be here handling all of this!”  Ms. ‘Director’, too, unbothered by my rant paused for a moment, and then apologized for it.  “I’m sorry”, she says, “When I get quiet – it’s because I’m asking God for the right words to say.” I thought she was going to let me have it……

She then blurted out, “What do you do for happiness?”  I said, “I’m working on my degree.”  She shook her head to tell me no.  I said, “Well, I’m working on the old fixer up home I reside in.”  She said, “I think you’re doing a lot things that make you feel accomplished, but what do you do for happiness?”……

I sat there, in silence, tried asking God for the right words to say and there were none……

She said, “You may have to go back as far as your childhood for this – before you had responsibilities, bills, etc.”……

Ms. ‘Director’ told me her mission for her program, but I clearly saw different in her presence.  Her program works with troubled youth by helping them mature and progress in a positive direction, but that particular weekday evening her mission was to help me move in a more positive direction by helping me tap into my inner youth…..

Everyday I’ve been punching at a task list that I’ve either created that morning based off some yearly goal that derived from some long term goal…checking things off slowly but surely……feeling nothing but accomplishment20151224_141140