Trust the Process…. ~E’spiphany

Wait a minute…Did Boss #3 just retire!?!  So all that talk about,  “changes are coming…cross train…be patience” was a crock pot of crap!…the entire time he was planning his escape….he definitely set up those he wanted before his departure and my ass didn’t make the cut [I knew better all along]…don’t get angry over what’s expected…right?…it becomes a choice at this point….I am now back under Boss #1 [the original gangsta] and finally I realized what I want out of life in terms of my career, I am going to have to create it….

The only thing I’ve been creating is my own frustration…I’ve only been working since the law allowed…all of the highs and lows I’ve experienced over the years…crossed the stage and thought now I’m going to have the title and the salary [like day time TV commercials]…new job with a new company…I ain’t get shit…I feel like my face is pressed against the glass ceiling…where is the gold!?!

It’s at the end of my rainbow…I’m just not there yet!  I keep failing to realize..just like before…there is going to be a process to get to the next stage….

Deep down I feel it’s a reason why things aren’t transpiring like I’d hoped…I’m not supposed to get comfortable because my true aspiration is not to climb the corporate ladder….

My plan A was always to be my own boss – this goes back as far as when I would play in my dad’s home office as a young girl….He started his own business when I was in middle school…I remember the struggles he [they] faced…a couple times, during high school, I had to make that phone call home, “Dad, my tuition bill is due and I got a letter saying that I won’t be able to come back to school”…I don’t know what he [they] did, but I didn’t miss a beat….He eventually picked up a 3rd shift job so he can run his business during the day….That’s probably where my drive toward entrepreneurship faltered and I decided to spend my wheels on what appeared to be the sure thing…plan B…a 9 to 5….

A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

My dream deferred is “festering like a sore” causing my attitude to “stink like rotten meat” [and if I get one more set back I am going to f*king explode]….It’s all perspective….I can continue to keep trying to smother my spirit and keep up the charade…plan B…or I can continue through the process of using my 9-5 as leverage toward my vision…while collecting benefits and a steady pay check…also plan B….

Almost three years ago, I registered my business name…but that was all I did….Thanks to all of the recent upheaval at the work place…I decided it’s time to get back on plan A….So far I created my logo…website…business cards…and most important…my title…Owner….

 

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Ready, Set, Goal…. ~E’spiphany

I was reflecting on a previous post I wrote some time ago – “Pursuit of Happiness”…Once I accomplished my goal, Did I find happiness?…Uh, hell yeah I was happy!…However, looking back, I realized it was kinda the other way around…I needed happiness to attain my accomplishments….

In 2012, I set a goal and then I created the plan…Well the plan didn’t go like I thought it would….Initially, I set myself to graduate in 2017 – that was part of my five year goal…As soon as I set out on my journey, my mother passed, I took guardianship of my two adopted sisters, some dogs, a whole house…ran around after my knuckle head birth child, switched jobs, changed addresses, fleeting friendships, falling out with family, while tackling projects in my old fixer upper house…All of this with really no for real help….I mustered through it…how?….because I set the goal for my life and regardless of the obstacle, I stuck to my plan…it was my only constant in change…but the plan I created to get there took multiple revisions…I had eventually come to learn, to follow God’s plan….

God PlanI’ve always heard that, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.”…Well God doesn’t literally laugh at you…He takes no pleasure in your suffering…He does, however, want you to come closer to Him….

My pursuit to happiness was truly my need to develop my personal relationship with God….which, let me add, not too long ago I had made mention of this relationship and was [sarcastically] congratulated…yep, that’s right congratulate me – Thanks by the way…anyway I digressed….

I came out victorious…as promised…alone but not lonely…I’m not going to lie…I do have a few war wounds, but He is a healer…Hunny, I can testify!….

The end of the year is quickly approaching…after an allegorically harvesting summer…new goals have been written…I am now set for another abounding season….

Here are a few pointers [and personal reminders]:

  • Make sure your goals are achievable:  Don’t make them too far fetched and be realistic with yourself…it’s ok…this is for you and you only!
  • Enjoy the journey:  Yes, stop and smell the roses along the path…it’s ok to pause, but don’t stop…you will appreciate the outcome more…trust me
  • Stick to your plan but be flexible:  Rigidity is a No No…it only leads to frustration…hind sight is 20/20…when you look back you’ll understand exactly why things transpired the way they did.
  • Work through the obstacles: You can try to avoid them, but don’t…They are only challenges to strengthen and teach you…you are being prepared!
  • Be Quiet: You can speak it into existence, but don’t give away the tactics – you’ll can exhaust its’ energy.  You risk getting detoured depending on your audience – timing is everything!
  • Pray on your Path:  You will win because He is a good coach…God promises to prosper you not harm you – have faith!
  • Celebrate the milestones:  Give Thanks to those who have shown genuine support while on your journey…rather it was season, reason, or a lifetime…pay homage when it’s due.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having a Plan ‘B’ Means You Don’t Completely Believe in Your Plan ‘A’…. ~E’spiphany

So here I am…recently graduated…sitting in my boss’ office awaiting my annual performance review.  I thought to myself today is the day that I am finally going to hear about my position re-class.  My brown-nosing co-worker was re-classed after obtaining an english degree…I meant literature degree…I don’t know what it’s in…I know it wasn’t comparable to his position like mine is….My other co-worker, the brown-nosing side kick, was re-classed and she’s a year out from receiving her paper…to add sugar to shit, these two mofo’s right here were hired to do what I was now assigned to do through department ‘re-organization’…very interesting…So let me get this right…I’m strategically placed in their position which made their environment conducive to them being able to perform successfully…I watched them be awarded offices and then promotions without any sort a vetting process for the most qualified candidate….Furthermore, I have more direct experience in this game than the two of them put together!  Ok, this shit ain’t right! – ya’ll must think I’m slow as hell….In any event, I pushed through the remainder of my program during the 1st half of the year…I didn’t challenge any of the decisions being made because I was told that I, too, was going get re-classed – I was told that my stuff was mine to manage….I have to admit it is hard to watch blessings get distributed to everyone but me, but I kept pressing on…eyes on the prize…constantly reminding myself that the devil is liar – don’t get detoured…what’s for me is for me!…all of those positive innuendos when giving yourself a pep talk came into play…I was patient and still played fair even with my new alleged team members stabbing me in the back while using the knives for a ladder toward their personal advancement….it has to be my turn now….Um, negative!

I’m sitting with now boss #3…the 3rd one in the 4 years I’ve been employed here…the same person who pushed to get me wrote up by boss #2 last summer…dig this…for mistakenly paying the statement amount on an utility bill and not the suggested amount…do you know they had the audacity to say I was maliciously causing harm to the organization….In their discovery, not only did I pay one wrong – I actually paid two wrong!  They tried it…I processed two invoices on the same day and in the same minute…this means I processed two invoices within 60 seconds and 24 hours of receipt!…I was impressed with myself…Sorry Sirs this looks like human error due to haste…I was sitting on a beach in Punta Cana…sipping vodka tonic…thinking to myself what I was going to come back to when I got back home….It was bullshit every time I left the office so I knew a few days vacation would give them ample time, and as soon as I got back in the office boss #2 wants to meet with me to tell me that my VP, the boss’ boss, wants me wrote up….lies you tell…see y’all like to name drop, but whatever…let’s do this….By the end of last year boss #2 takes another position and I now get to report directly to #3….so the person who pushed to fire me is now going to push to re-class me….yeah, right!

In awkward silence, while I waited with bated breath only for my boss to say, “If I re-class you based on what you do exactly, then you can possibly be demoted.”  My job description, on record, is the job that I was hired to do…when I was re-organized to report to boss #2, an email was sent to HR that added to my responsibilities…technically, I should have been re-classed a long time ago…during the course of the transition, boss #1 decided that he no longer needed (wanted) me to do what I was hired for and encouraged boss #2 to peel away from my position bit by bit….Screenshot_20180817-090506_Instagram.jpg

So this is where I am… “Be patient…changes are coming…cross train [with the very same people who slice you behind close doors]”, He says.

….Nah, I’m cool…maybe pride is going to be my punishment, but I have a plan….